Alliance Report #6A-2323: Storm Trooper Accuracy Dilemma – Solved!


So, after some pretty intense research and analysis, we have finally solved the reason why storm troopers, highly trained guards of the imperial army, can’t shoot a full grown Hutt from 2 feet away … distortion! Yes, it’s that simple. The problem is the unfortunate result of using cheap lenses when mass producing trooper armor (and let’s face it- that army was worthless and clearly made of the cheapest stuff Palpatine could find!).


Think of the straw in the glass of Alderan Ruge liquor – clearly, it is offset by a pretty good distance. And, depending on how warped or rounded the lenses may be, that offset could be far greater:

fb9e2a91100ec840a7fe5fc640aa838dAlthough Imperial lasers should be fairly accurate, it all depends on the person shooting the gun. Storm Troopers don’t get to see out of the entire eyepiece, only those small, little holes. And, while our troops wearing the helmets temporarily don’t suffer as much distortion, over time, Troopers eyes’ suffer from extreme, corneal warping.The results are pretty self explanatory:

main-qimg-fd053177101ce4f219bd6bb037123184Move a little to the left or right of a Storm Trooper’s direct line of site, and voila! Instant warping of where you actually are. The further you move and the further your distance, the more inaccurate the actual image will be.


So, the next time you think about ticking off a Storm Trooper just for fun (or you’re trying to save somebody …), remember, zig zag and you’ll totally screw with their vision! So, good luck, Rebel, and may the force be with you!


This messaged approved by the Rebel Alliance.

(Hey … if you don’t hear from me again – you know the Empire figured out who I was!!! Call the Alliance and save me … quick!)

The Force is strong with this one!” – Old Ben


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