Funny Thought for Today: Behind Every Good President is an Even Better … Mouse?

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Seal of the President

Well, after some careful analysis and comprehensive photoshopping … um, I mean, audio and video analysis, I have discovered that there may be more to President Trump than everyone knows!

As we all know, Trump has been in cartoons and media, before:

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And, there has been a substantial amount of curiosity about how and why The Simpsons cartoons were able to predict a Trump presidency! This extreme concern has raised some serious questions for me, and as an analyst, I did my homework.

The Simpsons may not have ‘predicted’ anything. There may have been some back-door “collusion” between Matt Groening, and the mastermind himself, the Brain. But, rather than impose my thoughts on the matter, I will let you evaluate the evidence for yourself!

Side by side, it’s clear that they both go to the same tailor, wear the same color ties, have the same color schemed letters in the background, and use identical gestures! Could it be any clearer?

Oh yes … yes it can:

There is absolutely no denying it. The ears, the holding of the microphone, the pursing of the lips … all leads us to one conclusion:

The Brain has evolved his plans! He is now driving a full-size Trump-suit and his plans are still the same, to TAKE OVER THE WORLD!

So, regardless of all the incredulous news you may have been hearing about Russian collusion, conspiracies in the oval office, and the fake newsmedia that has divided the world, the truth is far deeper than anyone thought. Clearly, all of the media distractions have been to keep everyone from discovering the “facts” that I have presented here, today!

Trump and the Brain are one in the same!

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No wonder net neutrality died … Warner Brothers is in on it!

Sorry, never-Trumpers … you are now: Never-Brainers! (in the words of Peter Griffin, “That means two things … heh heh heh heh“!)

Thanks for reading!


Pinky, are you thinking what I’m thinking?” – The Brain

Um, I think so, Brain, but I hear Hillary is the jealous type.” – Pinky (HAH! Further proof!)

Disclaimer: I take no political sides here; I just choose to be on the side of “not stupid”, so take it or leave it for whatever it is worth, this is just for fun … and to reveal the TRUTH once and for all!
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Welcome to Ganymede 1, Traveler. Here is Your Orientation Packet. (A Day in the Life Near Jupiter)

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Photo of Ganymede before the Ganymede 1 Station.

Welcome to Ganymede, the largest moon orbiting Jupiter. You’ve arrived at the recently completed terra-forming, mining, and vacation station of Ganymede 1. However, life near Jupiter is a little different than life on Earth. The years are much longer (12 Earth years = 1 year on Ganymede, as per Jupiter’s rotation around the sun). And, while Earth’s moon travels around the planet in 24 hours, it takes 7.15 days for Ganymede to travel around Jupiter. That means that 1 year will consist of a total of 31,317 days!

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NASA has been the key foundation in understanding Ganymede so that we could begin colonization.

As per the institution of the Universal Time Reference (UTR) for space travel, it is important to understand what one Ganymede day will be like, using Earth time as a reference.

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More on comparative qualities, here.

First of all, the size difference between Jupiter and Earth is substantial, creating a vast amount of difference of day and night:

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(Moons enlarged for reference) Shadows vs. planetary size

While on Earth, even during the night time (except during a “New” moon), you can see the moon due to its non-parallel, elliptical orbit:

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Earth’s moon rotates in a tilted orbit, and even though Ganymede’s orbit is not perfectly level, Jupiter is so large that the moon will always be in line with the planet

It’s important to remember that due to the gravity of Jupiter, we are currently unable to colonize the planet itself. Therefore, we have colonized Ganymede, a moon about 42% the diameter of Earth. Don’t worry about gravity, though. While in the orbit of Jupiter, based on distance (and some science fiction just for fun, here, but anyone please feel free to chime in with the “sciency” stuff), the gravitational equivalent is actually greater than that on Earth and the Ganymede 1 station has special environmental habitats designed to account for this, ensuring that you will not suffer from too much gravitational exposure, or suffer Gravitational Flux Sickness (GFS) effects from the interaction with the various moons that pass between Jupiter and Ganymede and the planet’s own gravitational instabilities.

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Additional Jupiter lunar schedules available from planetary.org

Even though we’ve accounted for gravity, both in the station and in your environmental suits outside of the station, on the light side of the moon, where Ganymede 1 is located, you will be exposed to an excessive duration of light and will need to return to the station in no less than 16 hour rotations in order to ensure you receive sufficient light and dark exposure (for your sleep patterns), as it is artificially controlled within the station. As this is a moon, it rotates with the tidal patterns of the planet so that only one side is visible to the planet at any given time. However, when the moon’s rotation is between the sun and Jupiter, the reflection of light from the planet’s surface fills the entire horizon of the “dark” side of the moon with a hazy orange. During this period of time, you are not permitted to go out onto the planet’s surface in non-terraformed areas (that are in direct sunlight) as there is no radiation protection. However, you may take a rover to the dark side of the moon and enjoy the hazy orange skies and nothing but Jupiter filling the horizon. If you are lucky, you may catch a glimpse of Europa or IO, two of Jupiter’s other moons, or any number of its 60+ moons in orbit. Unfortunately, you cannot stay on this side of the moon as we approach dusk or dawn due to the amount of time it takes to return to the base.

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SciTech Daily provides up-to-the-minute updates on new mining discoveries

For those who are more adventurous, you may make a stop along the vertical equator of Ganymede where the sun and its reflection off of Jupiter’s surface meets. However, the temperatures here can vary and you will be required to stay in your vehicle at all times due to gravitational flux and radiation, although you may be able to catch a glimpse of the stars.

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Be careful of mining wreckage as you travel. These are leftovers from Syfy’s series, The Expanse.

During the 7.15 day rotational cycle, the planet will also be enveloped in complete darkness as we travel out of the line of site of the sun. Outside travel is prohibited during this time as the temperature drops to sub-freezing. Although Ganymede has an iron-nickel heated core, the extended darkness and complete departure from any light or solar radiation causes the temperatures to drop from tolerable to deadly in a matter of minutes. It is important to keep your Environmental Satellite Tracking System (ESTS) with you at all times to be sure you know where we are in orbit.

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The top image shows how the reflective surface of Jupiter almost negates any shadow on Ganymede when positioned between the Sun and Jupiter. The bottom image shows the 7.15 day cycle around the planet.

Finally, for many newcomers, it can be unsettling trying to adjust to the night and day patterns of Ganymede (unless you stay mostly indoors during your trip). Therefore, we have provided the following, 24-hour Earth-time schedule, using Earth-time days, so you can be better prepared:

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The dot represents the Ganymede 1 Station and where it is situated during the 7.15 day rotational cycle with the sun. This is not a perfect rendering, but is hopefully close enough for everyone to enjoy and have a safe trip!

As you can see by the daily schedule, we expect to spend 48 hours per rotation in complete darkness with the blast shields closed down to prevent freezing of the windows and pressurized door systems. The station will be completely lit for about another 3 – 4 hours beyond this (both at Dusk and Dawn). As previously mentioned, rooms and living habitats will be controlled with a 24 hour light rotational cycle.

The additional 3 – 4 hours that is dusk and dawn will be the work period start time for miners to go underground and topiary engineers to begin their daily duties. Guests may enjoy this time under the artificial veranda projecting the nearby planets of Jupiter, Saturn, and Uranus, for your viewing pleasure. Again, during the periods of time when the temperature is at its highest, the blast shields will be closed over all viewing areas to block radiation. When the sun is up, prior to the 32 hours of brightest, un-shielded, high-radiation light (during the full, 7.15 day rotation), the terraforming vehicles and equipment will remain confined in the base where you can visit and learn more about our efforts to colonize Ganymede. In between these hours, for up to 72 hours per rotation, the terraforming equipment will be outside working hard to build humanity’s future near Jupiter.

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You can learn more about our additional discovers on other moons of Jupiter from Anne’s Astronomy News

Thank you for taking the time to read this time-adjustment portion of your brochure. When you have sufficiently familiarized yourself with its contents, please move on to the next portion of your Ganymede 1 acclamation, “Learning to identify pockets of deadly sulfur when on the surface and how not to die when swimming with underground oceanic native sea creatures!

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Surface Maps are available in our gift shop!

Please, have a nice day, and thank you for reading.


It’s fun to dream, isn’t it?” – Huey Freeman (Aaron McGruder, the Boondocks)

Would Gun Control Matter? When Level Heads Prevail: A Look into the Aftermath of the Florida High School Shooting

Beyond comprehensible and eternally reprehensible“. What other way can you explain the suffering felt by a parent whose child was murdered at gunpoint? While there are a lot of ways to explain it, understand it, and empathize – this is one tragedy that is so beyond reality for the rest of the world that it is almost literally impossible to grasp the full extent of the pain of those left behind. It is a tragedy of such magnitude that there are no words in the English language, or any other language, to fully describe it. And, while we cannot erase the past, it is what we do now, moving forward to deal with this problem (for everyone else in the Country), that matters.

Those students did not want to die. They were not soldiers in a war. This was not a battlefield. It would be dishonorable and disheartening to demean or take away from their sacrifice in any way. And, to be clear, it was a sacrifice, unwanted and unsolicited, and lessons should be learned. Unfortunately, in the aftermath, that is not what is happening:

  • The news wants media coverage – and they’re getting it. Ratings galore. We can mourn the loss of the children and offer our support, but continuing to glorify the shooter is a trend in the media that must stop.
  • People like Jimmy Kimmel disgustingly disguise their “talk shows” as a political forums for personal agendas, gathering ratings off of the souls of victims.
  • The politicians want to stand on their soap boxes and be heard (for profit). It seems (and this is a generalized statement, so it’s not 100% accurate, but close), that the Democratic party rises up every time there is a shooting at schools and accuses the Republican party of failing to put gun control laws into place, literally using children and those who suffered, as tools for their gain.
  • And, of course, the parents … the ones who are hurting the most right now, full of anger, victimized, and in pain, want immediate gratification. But, no matter what is done or what is said, there is nothing that will provide immediate … or even long-term gratification because nothing brings back their babies.

Is America a cesspool of weapons and depravity? No, it is not. Well … depravity … maybe … but weapons, no. Here is what it comes down to: there was a time when everyone owned guns. The “Wild West” was not “wild”. There were no shootouts at high noon and people did not shoot each other over a game of Go-Fish at the O.K. Corral. What the universal gun ownership of those days provided was the same thing that modern deterrence theory provides internationally: Mutually Assured Destruction. While there are some extremely disturbed individuals out there who would just as soon kill themselves as others, suicide-homicide is still very limited and deterrence has traditionally been highly effective. But, sadly, modern society is not well positioned to institute a policy for everyone to own guns (especially when you see riots and other atrocities over events as simple and unimportant as sports games).

Another dilemma faced by America is the technology-based, DIY era. It is no longer sufficient to simply “ban” weapons. Of course, “banning” anything on a large scale, such as alcohol during the prohibition, has historically resulted in a booming “underground” market that has lead to far worse consequences. Every time the age of consent has been raised, world-wide, the sex-trade industry has seen exponential growth. Yes, we want to stop these things from happening, but you cannot treat the good people the same way you treat the bad people, otherwise, you make “bad” people out of good ones. If it is not store-bought guns, it is homemade guns. If not those, it will be something else (that is home made), with a massively devastating effect (and heaven forbid there is ever a bombing). Worse, few people who argue against banning guns are willing to shut up long enough to realize that a person who wants to harm a lot of people, deprived of a gun, will resort to the next, most effective method, which is something like poison or bombs. I don’t want to detail this as there are too many weirdos out there, but the alternatives are far, far worse and would be far more devastating. The English took swords away from the Scottish only to find themselves the victims of massive, blunt force trauma, raiding armies, limb removal vs. death (which, in those days, was worse than death), and so on. Angry people will find a way.

History is self-evident.

Yet, another dilemma faced by modern society is a drug-treatment, snowflake-entitled, newsmedia-drama fed world. Until we can get control of schools where there is rampant, verbal abuse and even dangerous children being allowed back into schools (and this is a real problem to which I will not expand here, to protect the children and schools involved), abused victims are going to retaliate. Until our society stops “forcing” entitlement for color, gender, religion, political views, etc., we are going to be faced with angry victims (who are nothing more than “rebels without a clue”). Just remember, those who cause it may not be as guilty as those who say nothing, but freedom and peace is not given, it too, is a cause that requires fighting (for).

So … is there an answer?

Is there a way to honor the memories of those who have fallen, so that they can have some peace of mind in the world hereafter, that they will not be followed by more victims and that their families have some justice?

Yes. Yes there is. It starts with level heads.

The solution to this problem for everyone, starts at home. Shut off the news and drama full of hate. Turn away the politicians on their soap boxes. Do not make decisions when you are angry or stressed. And, remember to breathe. I can assure you, having known a child who was so victimized that he secretly tried to kill himself (repeatedly), living in pain and mental anguish, fear of going to school where he would be bullied, and living in a constant state of stress, that outward violence is not the first answer (albeit he was quickly turning violent and angry on the inside after years of no help). Self-harm is the first answer. Outward violence is taught and reinforced. It is a last-resort based on a failure to get results when seeking help. Not every victim turns into a killer. We should not try to change an entire culture or world idea simply because there is 1 in 350 million people who was taught to turn their pain inside-out (or lashes out because of mental instability).

In other words, taking away guns does not stop people from being victims. It does not deter anger and violence (and could potentially exacerbate it), and in the end, will have dire consequences for controlling illegal and DIY guns. To end rape, would you make all the women in the world go away (you know, THE VICTIMS)? NO. That is stupid. If we stop treating the victims as worse victims and address the bullies, problems get solved. Otherwise, the wrong band-aid on the wrong wound only leaves open, festering wounds. We do not ban alcohol even though drunk drivers kill people. Why? Because we need to hold the guilty few, accountable for their behavior. It not only gets the guilty ones off of the streets, but it provides a reminder to would-be problematic folks that there is someone watching (which is a proven way to help keep folks on the straight and narrow). Remember the old saying, “Locked doors only serve to keep good people, honest,”? Criminals will still be criminals – with or without guns and locked doors.

As for gun control, there is only one, reasonable policy that can help: There is nothing stopping gun manufacturers from putting RFID chips into the butts of guns (something my employer and I proposed to law enforcement more than 10 years ago with great response from law enforcement but little response from “on high” – but I will share more with the right person [if asked] and we are still poised to get this started for the country) that can set off triggers at places like schools. It won’t stop DIYs or gun modifiers, but it would have a HUGE impact on safety. It can be tracked at locations such as schools to notify security if someone enters with a gun. It can be used to disable a gun in certain locations. And, so on.

While I do not agree with law enforcement in schools, it is clear that the security guy at the Florida school who threw himself over students … was one of the good ones. These “good” guys should be armed (with nothing less than a taser and a very comprehensive tracking, reporting, and checking in system during all school hours). I would have rather seen a shootout start after only a few students were hurt, or before ANY were hurt, with fewer casualties, than 17 unarmed and cornered victims.

The victims left behind (parents, families, friends, etc.) of the shooter are too enraged and stressed right now to make any, good decisions – and rightfully so. If the ones who were not victims, and more specifically to the point, the politicians, were to quit propagandizing this event for their own, personal gain, they could be the ones with level heads who respond. The problem here is not gun control. For the Florida High School, it was a troubled teen. Nation-wide home schooling and an increase to mental health spending is therefore, another option. Nation-wide mental health services are already working very hard (I have been very proud of the services in my own, hometown), but they are understaffed and could use some funding increases, too. Students should all have health care, yes, but whether private health care or not, public mental health care can be provided at a reasonable cost. It does not “stop” kids who are hyped up on meds and watching cr@p on television and video games, but it sure does help a LOT of would-be suicidal and homicidal teens and adults. Home-schooling for troubled teens is NOT a bad idea. And, places like Connections Academy (and they are nation-wide) offer a huge array of amazing and advanced options for helping children at every level. It is not just for kids with problems. Every child can use it. But, especially where there are children who are struggling, this eases the school’s burden and opens up new options.

Let us be clear about one thing: IT IS NOT THE PRESIDENT’S JOB to fix this problem People need to stop blaming him. The President’s job is to stay focused on Homeland Security for national defense, budgets, etc. It IS the job of Senators, Congressman, and the like, to work as public servants and help their constituents while keeping a non-partisan, open mind, and providing level-headed balance. The politicians and media moguls in the news are telling you [the people] that the Presidential Administration is to blame because they have done nothing to date – but neither have those people. So, it is just a political scam to rile you up about politics when these things happen and this is part of what has to stop!

Although the strategies I have proposed will NOT stop gun violence, that is part of the unfortunate status of being human. The only thing we can truly control in this life is ourselves and how we choose to think and feel.

This is not the end of the nightmares. Whether we like it or not, somewhere in the world, even within American borders, either through victimization and / or emotional instability, someone will find a way to hurt a large number of people, again. But, if we start by NOT going to the traditionalist extremes of early frontier protestants, and actually use our heads, we can work within the multitudes of shades of gray that make up real life and start changing, one step at a time. If people are looking for solutions on how to make humanity less violent – then guns should be the furthest concern from their minds. Making humanity less violent is darn, near impossible. Of course, the “real” and more reasonable approach is for everyone to take responsibility for themselves. If we quit with the political anger management arenas, stop rioting after sports events, corporations stop stealing from people, Hollywood stops degrading family and cultural moral values on television and in movies, income inequality was leveled, and government officials stop abusing their power, the result would be a massive, paradigm shift in human behavior. Oh, sure, haters gotta’ hate. But, there would be so much less to hate (and Nikolas Cruz was a hater – which was fueled and not natural, as I said before).

I know this is probably not what most of you were expecting. There is no miracle answer here. If you are allergic to milk, the answer is simple, stop drinking milk. But, human behavior, victimization, and the complexities of our culture will forever be a problem with no one, simple solution. I will say a prayer for those 17 young ones, and then one for their families. As for the rest of us, we are each going to have to be willing to make a change if we want change. No politician can pass a law and *poof* make the problems go away. Maybe it is time that you speak up. Maybe it is time that you call your cable company and threaten to cancel if the violence and vulgarity on television does not stop. Maybe you shut down those video game consoles and cancel subscriptions and inform game makers that you are done with real-time “shooters” (at least realistic ones, until we can stop with the snowflake / entitled era and get people back on track). Maybe you can contact a politician who soap-boxed their next victory on the backs of victims and let them know that they will never again run for office and you are shutting them out. Maybe … just maybe … if we each lived a little better and a little smarter, life might be radically different. While not everyone will change with you – they will change eventually. If you are nothing but a pebble in the pool, you can still shake up the entire pool!

Sorry for rambling. Lots to think about.

Thanks for reading!


Either write something worth reading or do something worth writing.” – Benjamin Franklin

Fun Conspiracy Theories for the Day: The History of Magic’s Disappearance and The Secret of Honey!

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The “wizard” honey bear!

Okay, I’m sure you’ve all heard about the “honey conspiracy,” right? You know, the one where we all believe that honey comes from bees? No!?? Think about it … would you walk blindly into a bee farm, surrounded by millions of angry and attacking bees (that are now supposedly cross bred with African killer bees … which expands this conspiracy), to question whether or not 1 guy really pulls honey out of those man-made bee-houses, collecting bee vomit as a sweet and delicious treat? Probably not! After all, we all know that honey is produced by bears … that’s why honey is sold in those squeeze jars shaped like bears! And, of course, everyone knows that bears do not like sharing their secrets!

Hah! Okay, while there is a terribly peculiar element of ‘potential’ in that conspiracy (at least the keeping you away via bees part), I just made that up after watching a similar, humorous claim in Puss N’ Boots. Although I’ve never read a conspiracy theorist question the origin of honey, it’s like the Area 51 conspiracies … no one can get close enough to test it, so, I guess we’ll just never know. But, honey is not the only conspiracy of which we have to worry about in life (you know … because there’s nothing else to do … like work … hahahaha!)!

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See honey? Me, neither!

Another, and more potentially disarming conspiracy, is what happened to the world of magic? Let’s face it, since ancient stone tablets recording magical acts, biblical references, and even modern shamanism in remote villages, the world of “magic” has remained a constant part of human culture. However, at least in America, people have been conditioned to watch guys like Michael Carbanaro and be amazed while the miracle of a tree forming from a tiny seed, or a baby being born, is now just boring, “science”. But, this condition is for a reason! (And, J.K. Rowling … your “magical beasts movie”, would benefit from this … so pay attention)…

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Amazon

In the mid 1700’s to mid 1800’s, there was a war going on. It had nothing to do with slavery, economy, OR religion. Those are all just red herrings that took front page news to distract the masses. The REAL war was between a faction of Europeans who were magical users, persecuted by Catholic and Christian fanatics, used by Kings in war, who fled to America. The problem was this: one group of magic users saw the new world as an opportunity to bring out magic without persecution while the others believed that humanity was growing too great in numbers and cruelty and should be cut off. People like Benjamin Franklin began openly using his magic, harnessing lightening to master electricity while others, like Charles Goodyear, were alchemists using their skills to invent “vulcanized” rubber. Oh sure, you read about the “science”, now, but in those days … there were witch trials … so don’t think magic was ready to “prove” itself and come out of the closet.

In comes the South. They were using their magic to harvest slaves into their control, grow crops of cotton, and worked in voodoo and the dark arts (just visit New Orleans, walk the streets and graveyards, and try to say otherwise …). The “dark arts” was not ready to be exposed. As humanity had already started inventing ways to combat magic (thanks to the unfortunate alchemy from China that brought forward the formula for gunpowder), the South was under constant concern about the increasing Baptist movement and the rapid increase in multiple forms of Christianity that had gathered together, seemingly to combat magic in the new world. Trouble was brewing, the South knew it, and the North still believed that they could combine the world of man and world of magic without trouble.

By 1787, the Constitution was written, effectively hiding magic from the world, trying to focus more on a non-magical government in which magical users and non-magical users could agree on specific rights and freedoms. The reason magic was written out was because non-magic users really did not have any way to compete, and so it seemed like the only, fair compromise.

Then, in 1792, Alexander Hamilton, representing the non-magic users, formed the Federalist Party. The world of men did NOT trust magic users, felt as if they were trying to take control, and decided that it was time for capitalism, banks, and an economy that could push science and crush the last remnants of alchemy and magic (as Europe had been trying to do for generations). The Federalist Party even went so far as to team up with Britain, hoping to reinforce their non-magical numbers! To better understand, just read about the Alien and Sedition Act of 1798, deeming “unfriend-lies” (which, at that time, was “magic users”), as hostile, and authorizing deportation and other atrocities (unless you can explain how simply having other “refugees” from Europe coming into America, only a short while after their brethren, was a problem???).

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Acoustic Alchemy

In response, Thomas Jefferson and James Madison formed the Democratic-Republican party. What had seemed to the North like a good idea, bringing together men and magic, was quickly declining into a nightmare for everyone (thus, the party was strongest in the South). In 1801, Jefferson was elected president (which, of course, happened by magical influence), and the North began to take control back, being careful this time NOT to quash or interfere with the world of men, feeding into the economy and so-called “sciences”. But, not everyone was happy.

[note – the only other justification for the Democratic-Republican party was because the Federalists created a bank?? Really? Of course, as you peruse a bookstore or the library, you will find that a LOT of history is completely untrue, like the Ride of Paul Revere … so conspiracy theory or not … history is lying about “something” … for “some” reason]

In 1803, the Louisiana Purchase opened up wide-spread, new territories. Magic users, including the light magic users of the north and the dark magic users of the south, American-Indian tribal shamans (and endowed warriors), were at constant battle (all the while, the non-magic using men and women fled west, hoping for a non-magic world to live in freely…). Unfortunately, many Europeans fled to America and the Chinese slave trade was brought with it. New forms of magic and non-magic collided. You’ll read about this as the “wild west”, with fake stories about Billy the Kid, and so-called West outlaws and heroes. But, as you can find out, those stories are not true. They were glorified as the magic community had learned its lesson and was trying to get some control back. Even wandering so-called “magic” doctors with miracle cures were just nutball, non-magic users abusing alchemy with little to bad side effects.

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Several factions split. Soon, the War of 1812 broke out and new party lines were drawn. Whether magic wanted it or not, it had been drawn into war and politics. Even though America emerged as a winner in the struggle, it was only because the Battle of New Orleans, in 1815, fought with cruel and terrible magic by the dark magic users, was so terrifying and devastating to Britain that they finally backed down.

In the South, where they still believed magic should reign supreme and wanted to control the world of men, old relationships were kindled, the Democratic-Republican party was rocked apart, and by 1828, the Democratic party was born. Soon after, the Republican party was split again when a faction of non-magic users, fighting against all things magic, like the masons, formed their own, Whig party. During this time, several magical factions retained their strong relationship with France, one of the few, European nations to protect magic and stand against the non-magic tyranny of Britain’s monarch.

This was a dark time. Across Europe and the new world, along with terrifying changes in Asian magic cultures, the world of men and magic took on massive divides. Some parties sought vengeance while others tried to negotiate for unified peace. But, all had abandoned the hope for living a life free from war. During this time, the increase in tribal African magic (which had been brought over and mixed with dark magic, creating a new form of even darker voodoo witchcraft), was empowering more slaves. The idea that the North, and people like Benjamin Franklin, were trying to live freely, without hiding (as the slaves had lived in their homelands), and people being equal, was massively appealing. Soon, the growing number of slaves had gained in magical power and control over the weapons of non-magic and were beginning to revolt (such as Nat Turner’s Rebellion in 1831).

Meanwhile, the South was trying to block any form of education for slaves (and even generally deprived their own families, especially daughters, of an education). The fear was that slaves, having formed a superior, new form of magic, might also learn how to use the tools of men (ie. guns), and would become uncontrollable. After all, to keep magic away from non-magic users, control was necessary.

By 1846, the mix of dark and light magic, coming up from Mexico, had already become pervasive. Battles were fought, won, and lost, across the frontiers. Even the missions in California, which had been built as far back as 1769, were victims of this outfall and without much notice, or even understanding, the attempted “Christianisation” of early California was crushed.

In 1850, things were coming to a head. The world of men and capitalism had entrenched itself and declared its intention while the world of magic, mostly caught up in the Democratic Party (with continuing influence in the Republican Party), had massively segregated itself, history was being rewritten, and the lines were drawn. A Compromise was signed by the north, agreeing to send captured slaves back to the south, trying to keep magic under wraps.

This brings us to the truth of slavery. The sad truth was that African-Americans, wrought from their homes, had been brought to America in the hopes to utilize their strength and magical powers in the same fashion that a “house elf” was used (Harry Potter reference used only for example). In 1852, Uncle Tom’s Cabin, edited for the magical content and references, lifted the veil of the truth of how black magic users were treated. The fear of a rising voodoo power and the very similar forces coming from the Mexican territories (where ancient Mayan magical influences still remained), was terrifying. Of course, African Americans were NOT to blame. They simply wanted freedom. But, a lot of black folks had been educated by this time, regardless of what the South tried to do. Combining magic users from all around the world into America had opened up everyone’s eyes.

By 1857, the first African-American, who was not a magic user, relied on his intellect to sue for his freedom in the Dread Scott v. Sanford case. Without magic, he lost. This was devastating to everyone. Magic users finally understood that there was no place for them in the world of men, and vice versa.

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Demonic Paradise

In comes the Civil War. If you read history, there are so-called “precursors” that build up to the Civil War, but it is SHOCKINGLY unclear what the ’cause’ was. To the best guess of anyone, it was when Abraham Lincoln (who has been verified to have fought with zombies, battling dark magic users of the south), declared his intention to end slavery and the South segregated themselves into the Confederate States of America. But, this is all untrue. What really happened was that the majority of magic users fled to the South and declared their intention to create their own, segregated nation. While there are many, many other events I can give you to justify this, for the sake of a ‘blog’, and not a book, it should be understood that the split was felt across the world.

By 1861, the country was at war. Without a huge, long, unnecessary history lesson about the terrors of that war, the results were clear: the world of magic and men could never be combined, again (although this has continued to repeatedly happen, but in controlled doses). The Democrats, still the major, “magic” party, sought to keep magic away from non-magic users, instituting controls against education, developing their own ministry for magic, and overseeing the segregation. There were many Republicans who were magic users, too, but that’s so that magic had a representation and presence among the non-magic users.

Over time comes the radio, Edison, Nikola Tesla, Einstein, and others, who were all magic users that had to hide their skills in order to survive the brutal world of men. Radio had already proven a powerful tool for control and by the 50’s, the television became an America method for the even more powerful control. Thanks to the capitalist abuses by so-called “Republican” businesses (product placement, subliminal advertising, brand lying, etc.), the Democrats quickly learned that television was a way to manipulate the masses into believing whatever you wanted, aka “entertainment”. It was magic at its finest. From this, Hollywood was born. The Democratic Party could focus on controlling magic while magic found a new home – a new place: Hollywood.

There, stories could be told that everyone would believe. Lies could be propagated without question. And, everyone was beautiful, everyone was perfect – and all because everyone had magic.

Now, mind you, Hollywood has changed dramatically, mixing in the non-magic and magic users. While only the magic users attain true “stardom”, even the non-magic users now follow the philosophy of control, spreading lies, and riding on that so-called “liberal” track. What else makes you think that “fake news” is reasonable … or that actors take career-ending political positions? How do you think rock stars and movie stars become idols that people will live and die for?

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Never wake a sleeping corporate giant …

To this day, magic is still trying to keep people under control and it has adopted the philosophies of wealth, politics, and war into its regime. People are led to hate others, riots break out, and there is civil unrest on an unparalleled level; all because the majority of magic users turned to dark magic and dark ways in America, trying to hide in the shadows. And, that is why you don’t believe in the gods of old, unicorns, dragons, or real magic. Since the 1900s, for over 120 years, you have been systematically trained to believe it isn’t real. Even now, you probably have more faith in the Big Bang Theory (the theory … not the television show), than the possibility of leprechauns. The magic users that control television and the political powers promote science as real and magic as a fantasy. They even have a channel dedicated to this: Syfy.

And, the world of men is suffering for it. The country’s health is declining. Climate are shifting. There are outbreaks and new problems in health world-wide. Without magic, the “space” program died (well, thanks to Elon Musk for engaging a few, willing magic users to keep it alive at Space X).

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The Atlantic

Will magic ever return? Will there ever be a war again to expose the truth of magic and men? Well … are you ever going to risk your health, and possibly your life, to discover whether or not honey really comes from bee vomit?

We may never know …

(HAHAHAHA – okay, hope you all enjoyed reading and it was fun and entertaining. Thanks for stopping by!!)


A dream doesn’t become reality through magic; it takes sweat, determination and hard work.” – Colin Powell (<= see what I mean? systematic disbelief training from a non-magic user that knows the truth about controlling and lying to you about magic!)
NOTICE – THIS IS A DISCLAIMER. KIDS … THIS WAS FOR FUN! IF YOU GIVE THIS TO YOUR HISTORY TEACHER AND TRY TO TELL THEM THAT MAGIC WAS THE CAUSE FOR ALL THE CRAZINESS IN EARLY AMERICA, THEY WILL GIVE YOU AN “F”.
THEY ARE PART OF THE ILLUMINATI AND THE GROUPS CONTROLLING MAGIC AND THAT IS WHY THEY “TEACH” HISTORY. YOU’VE BEEN FOREWARNED … MUWAHAHAHAHA

The 5 Reasons Why Social Media Marketing Fails – and Why the Super Bowl 52 Ads … Sucked

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The Daily Express

So … Super Bowl 52 … Justin Timberlake … Pepsi … and Tide? Where were our Budweiser Clydesdale horses? Where was George Castanza parachuting live into the Super Bowl half time for Doritos? Where was anything that wasn’t already airing on regular, network television?

For one of the lowest viewed Super Bowls in history, beyond the boycotts centered around the kneeling during the National Anthem issue, the newsmedia has sure done a good job trying to prove that it was a great half-time show and sporting event filled with amazing ads.

But, the truth is that it was, beyond words, pathetically bad.

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USA Today

First of all .. Justin Timberlake? Maybe I stand alone, here, but in Super Bowl 38, Justin Timberlake was the one who exposed Janet Jackson’s breast, (in part), majorly ticking off over 70 million viewing families. That aside, the music quality was excessively poor, (and that’s not just me – that was recognized by EVERYONE), the songs were a terrible selection, and the overall show to reboot Timberlake’s career in the same forum where he caused himself tremendous detriment, was a joke. (Not to mention the horribly POOR TASTE on behalf of the organizers that thought it was okay to rebuild Timberlake’s career on a recently deceased, and widely loved singer, Prince).

But … the commercials? Each commercial cost $5 million for just 30 seconds of airtime. That does not include the cost of filming, paying well-known actors, and so on. But, nothing was memorable. Nothing was amazing. Even Jeff Goldblum’s Jeep Wrangler Rubicon commercial, failing to stay ahead of a T-Rex and having to sneak in behind it – wasn’t unique, interesting, or … effective?!? I have been addressing this recent trend in failing marketing in multiple articles, such as this one, here. And, after a considerable amount of research and analysis, I believe I understand (at least in part) what is killing advertising (and what will continue to kill advertising and marketing for years to come):

Social Media Marketing

That is the term I am now using to describe what is happening to advertising. In America, marketing has dramatically evolved. While advertising has not always been honest, one of the keys to marketing was understanding consumers that were either turned “on” or “off” (and manipulating / playing to that key element). For example, if you don’t wear prescription glasses, I cannot turn you “on” to running out and buying prescription glasses no matter how many celebrities and flashing lights I employ. However, even if you’re not in the market for a new car, with the right amount of persuasion (sex, status, “deals”, purple gorillas, and more), there is an opportunity to get you excited (turned “on”) about buying a new car.

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BlogContentMarketing.com

Throughout the evolution of marketing, different strategies have been employed. Some have seen huge successes, some have failed miserably, and some have been crushed because they were incredibly effective … but to the wrong target audience. Marketing and advertising, as far back as the 50’s (and probably sooner – please correct me if you know otherwise), used the services of psychologists to delve deep into the human psyche to see what made consumers tick. Las Vegas has literally spent billions perfecting the art of addiction (which I’ve covered along with cell phone gaming here), but even they, too, have begun to see a recession due to this new trend. And, some companies sprang into existence simply because they had a good formula, such as Levi Strauss and jeans as tough as steel, and Dell Technology’s amazing replacement policy that set all new standards in customer service. Unfortunately, companies that get big enough forget what made them famous – and that’s when the problems start.

Levi’s began branching away from jeans, their quality dropped, they lost market control – and are no longer the “big thing” in jeans. Camel cigarettes forgot that adults were their target audience and lost their “Joe Camel” brand because targeting children … was … stupid. And so on … and so on.

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Brandwashed at Amazon.com

Some companies, like Disney, maintained their market superiority because, regardless of the manipulative and dangerous inclusions in their marketing, they kept their focus on young children and Mickey Mouse still remains the central dictator … um … “figure” in their empire … I mean, “franchise”.

But, there’s a new force in the universe that has emerged and it has been infiltrating Hollywood, corporate marketing, and all forms of media with increasing ferocity over the past 10 years: technology.

With the advent of social media (and even before), gathering customer behavioral data became a whole new ballgame. Companies were no longer limited to “focus groups”, “target groups”, or even sales and production trends. Supply and demand, one of the fundamental principals in business – has begun to take a second seat to “social trending”. With the inexpensive opportunity to pervasively sneak into the personal lives of every person in the world, corporations stood behind the cell phone industry and intentionally boosted the evolution of cell phones and social media. What commercial psychology had learned long ago (regarding social status as the primary key in human psychology, as I’ve addressed here), became a tool of mass manipulation.

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CNN Money News

It used to be called spying … now it’s called “marketing research“.

Not only can companies turn on your cell phone and computer cameras to monitor your behavior, they have branched out to publicly located cameras. And, this is NOT NEW. For over ten years, we have been surrendering our personal lives, behaviors, and activities to the invasive abuse of corporations. And, in turn, they have used marketing to position people into “accepting” this trend. If you want to get “real” about it, the government has been abusing AT&Ts control of all phone communications for a very, very long time. And, again, corporations, and even governments, have dished out billions of dollars to make sure YOU [the reader / consumer] are okay with it:

“Terrorism”

“War on Drugs!”

“Public Safety”

“TSA Security”

And, if polled, most of America is absolutely convinced that there is a non-stop threat that requires personal intrusion. Now, don’t misunderstand. I repeatedly state in a LOT of my articles, that law enforcement is a VERY IMPORTANT part of our daily lives, protecting people from a lot of bad stuff (despite the few bad apples and occasional injustices). However, the TSA has never been effective in actually stopping terrorists getting onto planes (as it’s not been an issue), people still commit acts of terrorism in the U.S. (even AFTER posting about it on Youtube), and personal intrusion has never amounted to a hill of beans. Why?

350 million people in America & 3 million in jail (ignoring current estimates that 1/3 are actually innocent) …

That is 0.86% of bad guys in the entire country. If you had to stand on top of a hill and look down at 350 million, crazy people running around and point at the 0.86% that were actually running around doing something bad … how effective do you really think that would be?

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Where’s Waldo …

Of course, if you consider the fact that watching social media and listening to phone calls would amount to 100’s of observations per day, per person, and that only 1 or 2 of those conversations or posts could be incriminating, and then account for human error … that 0.86% rapidly declines to a success rate 0.05% or less. That’s ABSOLUTELY not effective.

But, why am I going on about this? Social marketing knows that the success rate of identifying the target audience in a now global marketing economy is excessively low for the same reasons. So, they automate their targeting and then add-in manipulative advertising that literally resembles subliminal content (and borderlines on / crosses the boundaries of needing stricter regulations), and try to up the number. And … it does … sort of; but, alas, Social Marketing has caused far more less, and far more problems than the corporate world chooses to see (or is too greedy and short-sighted to see).

[Sorry for that LONG intro – but unfortunately, I had to preface the following 5 topics for it to be make sense and not be shrugged off as irrational. So, here it goes …]

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Wroops.com

The 5 Reasons Why Social Media Marketing Fails – and Why the Super Bowl 52 Ads … Sucked:

The first problem is that throwing crap at a fan and hoping some of it sticks is not, “efficient”. This takes us back to the previous topic of being “on” and “off”. The purpose of monitoring behavior and trying to control it is to focus ads on specific target audiences who can be turned “on” (like a person who wears prescription glasses being the one receiving commercials for prescriptions, unlike a television ad that blasts everyone). Sounds like a great strategy, right? Unfortunately, when relying on “key words” to target people who speak in everyday conversations, the mass of communications that has been propagated through social media (as a consequence of the technology push), creating a “globalized” culture, means that people are reading and being exposed to information which is not in their interest zone. So, if there’s an article on prescriptions and you happen to read it … the machines start pinging you with unwanted ads. Case in point, the number of elderly ladies (and I’m just talking my clients and the clients of associates, and not the millions of complaints on-line), receiving ads for Viagra is physical evidence that social media targeting just doesn’t work as well “as hoped” and the already small percentage of success, drops again. Conversely, the lies that marketing uses to control and manipulate people, don’t benefit capitalist goals and just keep poor people … poor. So, it’s still a self-destructive lose-lose situation!?

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InternetBusiness-How To

The second problem is that companies like Google noticed this trend and decided to bank off of it, making it an option for every company, big and small, so that now, everyone is doing it. Because of this, not only are consumers being overwhelmed with unwanted ads, but it’s a mass of unwanted ads. That garbage in approach causes people to turn “off” to everything – whether they could use it, or not. The other problem with the mass of advertising is that it’s easy to get lost and worse – people are exposed to items NOT of interest, and this corrupts the “keyword” database that drives “automated” marketing. That so-called, minuscule, “advantageous” social marketing percentage from before, just dropped some more.

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Robot Advertising!

The third problem is recognizing human behavior through the eyes of automatons. While trying to control people seems like the answer (to moronic, greedy, corporate, out-of-touch, fools), that has never, in all of history, been effective on any scale. Unfortunately, to reinforce the “ease” and low cost of attempted, mass-control, the technology age has brought us an amazing new tool: artificial intelligence. While moguls like Zuckerburg want you to “love” AI’s because … you know … no reason … o.0, billionaires like Musk, who don’t bank off of social media, disagree. What have we learned from AI’s?

Human beings can be complete dirt bags given the right circumstances (Newsweek Article, here). Even some of the most advanced algorithms have met with downright failure (medium.com) when using tracked, human “behavior” to as the driving force of decision making. This kind of misunderstanding of the information coming in (Garbage in), creates a massively contradictory and complex feedback loop. But, hey, even psychologists get human behavior wrong from time to time … to time. And, as was once referenced in the 1984 movie, Runaway, people are imperfect. Therefore, the machines made by people will also be, imperfect. How does this apply back to social media marketing?

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CNBC

Relying on an imperfect system that can barely identify the right person in the crowd, let alone weed through the flood of ads to reach people, and then allowing human behavior to dictate its modeling is just asking for disaster. Machines can only put out information as well as it is put in (Garbage In, Garbage Out). And, from this, you end up with the same unpopular singer, Justin Timberlake, who was hated by Super Bowl fans, rebooting his career during the Super Bowl (poorly), using songs that do NOT appeal to the mass of viewers (as Super Bowl fans are typically NOT millennials … especially when those seats cost upwards of $2k each). Super Bowl fans tend to be more like “all around” Americans (from which an effective song list could have EASILY be fashioned), and thus, the boycott, and thus, a few hundred million is spent … for NOTHING.

Oops …

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Cutting Corners … The Simpson’s Way

The fourth problem is that companies and their greedy, whore-mongering bosses are getting cheaper everyday. Since the beginning of business, corporations have been looking for ways to cut corners, making really stupid, “costly” decisions. Sadly, the technology age brought with it machines (moving faster than people can respond), that could cut people out. Businesses that couldn’t rely on machines used outsourcing to fill the gap. The results have been astoundingly disastrous, and in contrast to all the so-called experts saying that robots are the future of marketing, here’s where the disaster stems from:

  • Do car manufacturers save a ton of money using robots? According to every on-line analysis, they do. But, really? Because, if that is the case, why haven’t the cost of vehicles come down to a level that has people rushing out to buy new cars? Why are the car companies still “making up” their own, JD Power Associates awards trying to manipulate the masses? Why is the automotive industry facing disaster in the face of self-driving vehicles? If they were saving “so” much money, they would be doing better and not having to dish out $5 million per commercial during the Super Bowl.
  • Companies like Dell, that once upon a time offered GREAT customer service (and built an industry standard reputation), have since earned the reputation of customer crap-service. Why are food companies cutting back the quantities while continuing to raise the prices if they were saving so much money?

The problem comes down to this: when a company is too big for its britches, it can no longer see the feet it once stood upon. Companies with inflated books cannot see the bottom line. Now, some companies like Sprint and Verizon have continued to put out a stream of overpriced, garbage. As they were among the few who even offered cell phones, those markets were theirs for the cornering and they missed what was happening with the REAL consumers (assuming that they had a good plan in place, having cut a lot of corners, ticking off consumers while still seeing sales skyrocket … until they didn’t).

The same holds true for cable, power, computers, vehicles, etc. These agencies have lobbied governments, abusing the political system and the citizens, to gain market-share control. And, what could have been a fantastic idea, became a balance of piss-poor customer relations, low-quality / throw-away tech, and major losses in sales. Sure – sales went up because babies were born, new people aged, and there was a demand. However, the illegitimate gains of many of these “market-cornering” giants has only resulted in lost sales that keep the numbers mostly flat (and thus, prices are increasing because the companies just aren’t selling what they could be).

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Rude Baguette

Another, great example of massive growth meeting massive greed in a technology era that encourages instantaneous solutions faster than people can respond is Las Vegas. One of the big factors that made the Vegas strip such an addiction was their formula of “big wins”, “pulling the handle” for that personal “control” ego-stroke, and so on. But, since 2000, the economy has not been so … “great”. Yes, I know, there are trends going back and forth, trillions being spent, and blah, blah blah. But, the people who live paycheck to paycheck and make up the bulk of America (and probably the world), know that’s a bunch of B.S. So, when Vegas sees a decline and they hire some young, new consultant who says something stupid like, “get with the times”, what happens? Pull bars go to push buttons. Less gears, less mess, (less cost), and people will push that button faster, right? Sure … if they didn’t have to now spend an extra 30 seconds selecting multiple lines on a single screen.

Next came the big recession. With just a little bit of thought and a whole lot of common sense, the answer was obvious: lower the prices. People can’t afford as much, but since Vegas is about taking your last dime, just lower the prices and those desperate for a quick fix solution folks will come running! Did Vegas do that? Nope. They cut corners again, this time taking out the cash / pay as you go and a “credit card” system. Why? Because the money goes straight to you! What moron in Vegas was so rich and bloated that they failed to walk the isles with the people who were spending their money to understand that Vegas got wealthy because of ideas like a single $100 bill being magically transformed into a bucket full of hundreds of quarters (that amounted to less than $50)? This shows how the rapid pace of technology, moving into cellular-like services, tracking customers, and following the same idiotic path of social media marketing can have bad consequences.

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TRG

The fifth problem is this: the world of social media makes it far more difficult to lie, so as a result, the lies have had to become far more “creative”. Big corporations depend on lying to sell their products. Here are only a very few of the many, many, big examples:

And, of course, there are millions of articles, blogs, and reviews all telling you how great a product is until that one, independent, unpaid individual does one about the truth. Sadly, companies no longer rely on the truth to sell their products. MyPillow was sued for millions, lying to people about a good night’s sleep (and yet, they haven’t stopped!?!). Unfortunately, when these companies are sued for hundreds of millions – it’s too late. Their profit margin was already billions. And, rather than stop flooding money into a cr@ppy product like Vitamin Water, companies like Coca-Cola just keep spending. To counter the lies, they spend millions more on celebrities and “debunking” campaigns to hide the truth. Not only are they destroying the business-consumer trust relationship, the “bar” of anticipated standards of quality and performance just keep getting set lower.

That’s when people look elsewhere for solutions. Competitors, rip-off / knock-off companies, and foreign undercutting companies step in and collapse entire markets. When the greed gets to be too much, like pain, the human brain starts to change its tolerance levels over time, allowing for more and more “acceptance”. Unfortunately, you can only stretch that “lie” muscle for so long until it finally … snaps.

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Case in point – Super Bowl 52. Several Super Bowls ago, when Seattle was up, the world took notice of a long-standing fact (that many of us had previously been ridiculed for): Football and Wrestling are both entertainment organizations, neither one have rules of “standards” that govern “fair play”, and both have an element of reality, and an element of “fake”. But, don’t worry, NBC has assured us that the early release ads, before the two teams were supposedly decided, were just “accidents”. Yeah … don’t worry, it’s not like any of these newsmedia outlets prints “fake” news, ever …. o.0?

But, those of us that looked closely at the 2014 game with the Seahawks, pointing out some of the same, unbelievable mistakes that have been seen in previous Super Bowls, and the worst game of Peyton Manning’s [final game of his] career, still continue to be chastised by a lot of media sources. In fact, all of those media sources quote the NFL, and how the NFL has assured everyone that there’s no “rigging” going on.

Okay … okay … fine. Peyton Manning just threw one of the worst games of his life … making one of the most embarrassing defeats in NFL history, right before going into the NFL hall of fame. But, folks stopped following the NFL so closely after that. So … maybe I’m nuts – but then, so are more than 30 million others. The point is … you can only lie to people for so long before they start to see the little nuances and trends that reveal the unfortunate truth.

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Then, no matter how much you market … no matter how much you bring back a burnt-out Justin Timberlake, and no matter how much you threaten the players so that they don’t kneel during the anthem … people just stop watching.

And the best advertiser you get is … Tide and Pepsi. HAHAHAHA – and I’m the crazy one?


Anyway, bringing all my rambling to a close, the point is this:

While Social Media may have offered a low-cost solution to reach consumers … the manipulation, lying, and automation of this cheap new outlet has turned into a modern prometheus that is betraying its own creators.

Hope someone enjoys.

Thanks for reading.


Where justice is denied, where poverty is enforced, where ignorance prevails, and where any one class is made to feel that society is an organized conspiracy to oppress, rob and degrade them, neither persons nor property will be safe.” – Frederick Douglass

Happy! A T.V. Series Review … (spoilers!)

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So … where to begin. Well, unlike my traditional movie reviews, the series, Happy!, from Syfy Network, does not leave much room for the Good, the Bad, and the Ugly, lest we have a list about a mile long in each category ’cause boy – does it get UGLY! How are you supposed to review a grind-house meets Roger Rabbit meets NCIS meets … well … really disturbing and weird … and tell everyone just HOW MUCH YOU LOVE IT?

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Christopher Meloni from Law and Order, NYPD Blue, Oz, Sin City and so much more …

This show has already generated so much excitement by the viewing audience that people are already speculating when Season 2 will start when last night, January 31, 2018 was the end of Season 1! I mean … people are LOVING this – yes – everyone!?! That NEVER happens!

The main character, Nick Sax (played by Law & Order’s Christopher Meloni), is a washed-up Detective who broke after being drawn into one of the most horrific cases that probably any law enforcement official would ever have to face. Meloni’s long-time career and massively diverse background is fully tapped in this incredible, new series. Now – understand, Happy! is NOT a show for children, the faint of heart, or pretty much – anyone! But, that’s where it gets REALLY good! While I personally can’t rush out and tell all of my “highly spiritual / churchgoing” friends about the show (lest they become so disgusted within the first 30 minutes that they move to the Vatican for a lifetime of repentance) – I have told everyone else I know about this show and encouraged them to watch.

What makes Happy! so unique? It’s a very strategic and brilliant combination of excellent directors (Brian Taylor, Wayne Yip, and David Petrarca), coming together with the writing talents of Grant Morrison, Brian Taylor, Ken Kristensen, Matthew White, and others. Based on the New York Times best-selling authors Grant Morrison and Darick Robertson’s graphic novel, Happy!, every element of what should not be done on television is brought together for one, giant shindig that is edgy, thrilling, and outright hysterical. If you loved Roger Rabbit – prepare to leave all of that behind for a roller coaster ride into Toon Town’s worst nightmares and be … Happy!

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Syfy is the perfect fit for this show. Why? Because combining Breaking Bad style mob hits, the blood and gore of shows like Saw, the shooting expertise of John Wick, the talents of a diverse group of actors, a story line that challenges anything NCIS and Law and Order can muster, demons running a children’s wish network, and all with a magical, flying Unicorn (Patton Oswalt) is about as science fiction as it gets. The series starts out filled with action, drama, and just enough dark comedy to balance everything. Combining these elements together with a compelling story line and cop-drama takes, well, some of the best writing possible! And, unlike the blatantly brutal and needless gratuity of grind-house movies, Happy! uses a shockingly unique approach that emphasizes the brutality of the situation without dragging it out to that “uncomfortable” / “the only people who watch this do it because they get off on that crap“, level. In other words – it’s everything you want action, violence, explosions, and insanity to be so that you can keep going with the story line without needing to turn away in disgust – or annoyance.

But, I don’t want to dwell too much on the gory parts because there is SO much more to this series. The cast in this show is used the way that cast members are SUPPOSED to be used – FINALLY! No 3 second one-liner appearances (well, not of anyone who matters or is going to live … anyway). Instead, the show’s cast also includes Richie Coster, Lili Mirojnick, Quentin Morales, Medina Sanghore (to name a few), and brings on board the young and up-and-coming star-to-be, Bryce Lorenzo. While the story remains focused on Nick Sax and his Imaginary partner, Happy, the supporting cast and crew each have intricate story lines, complex lives, and are fully integrated into the series in a way that makes you want to watch more, know more – and frankly, is absolutely refreshing!

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The humor – albeit as dark as you can get – is non-stop throughout. Even though this is a terribly sad story about some traumatically affected lives, demons who run the Earth, and children caught up in some *beyond imaginably horrible* sex or slave trade – the directors manage to take the time at every turn to also give us a laugh. If I can compare it to anything, I’d compare this to the long-time running television series, M*A*S*H* (and no – there is almost nothing that compares to the profound quality and amazing story of that series). Why? MASH was also a terribly sad story about the horrible struggles, unhealthy situations, and emotional trauma that American soldiers, and Koreans, suffered during the Korean war. What made the series so popular? While not failing to capture the reality of life during war, they also remembered that when a person is caught up in such a terrible situation, many times, the only way to survive, is to laugh (and just keep going).

Happy! captures that same essence. Life can just outright suck. The bad guys are not “Law and Order” bad – they are child murdering demonic bad. While it’s not something that goes over well on television – being able to bring that type of a harsh reality (that we really live with in this world), and its devastating consequences on the people affected to the audience without chasing them away is what I mean when I say this show is sheer genius! Nick Sax gets hit by a semi, or is having his body parts severed into pieces: not funny. Nick Sax shrugging his shoulders and going along with it because his would-be killers want a selfie (based on Sax’s reputation) – is funny – VERY funny. And, this balance has struck a unique chord with audiences (although – please remember – this show is NOT for kids … or old people … or um … well … a LOT of people … although it strangely works for almost everyone over 18 … so … you know … watch it on your own, after the kids go to bed!).

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Think of the profound effect that Deadpool (or others like Ironman and Wonder Woman), had on audiences over the Avengers. Even Netflix’s Daredevil was instantly successful (in the beginning). Why? Because – we all may want there to be heroes, and Santa Clauses, and Dumbledores, and so on … but that’s not what life has given us. The heroes are gritty, good guys are born out of misery, and life is complicated. “He looks like Santa Clause … if you ran him over with a Mack truck and sprayed him with cat p*ss.” – Nice … very nice! ?(Not laughing? Ahhh … you had to be there I suppose!). The point is – the world needs heroes who get into those dark crevices where only guys with split personalities dressed like bats dare to go … because that’s where we live. Sure, Superman’s important. Why, if it wasn’t for him, the military would have screwed the day and let Doomsday loose on Earth. But, that’s the point. Life does not always go … well. We struggle each day to survive, pretending like things are great, when we know we are fighting age, disease, pain, and the world around us is in turmoil. That’s one of the keys to Happy!

For a show with imaginary friends, demons, and invincible ex-cops … it’s very, very real…

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The story line – albeit as dark and depressing as it gets, is surprisingly compelling. It’s not like watching the movie, “Bad Santa” and having to sit through it to near the end in the belief that something good has to happen because no movie could really suck that bad (but it did!). No – this show is more like watching Willow because you want to believe that the underdog … who’s really, REALLY, “under”, can make a difference. But, by the end of Season 1, we learn the truth. Sure – there were victories and losses – but the war is still raging on – and the really bad guys – who aren’t even yet the worse of the bad guys – are still coming. It’s terrifying, it’s thrilling, and yet, it doesn’t leave a dull moment.

One of the most profound elements of this story, for me in particular, is the background of Nick Sax. Oh sure, trying to figure out if Happy! is real, imaginary friends are there, if the bad santa was a demon, and what in the SAM HELL THOSE TELETUBBY THINGS WERE – is interesting. But, Meloni really does an incredible job as an actor, pulling us in so that we can feel his emotions, understand what he’s thinking, and know where he’s going. It’s a unique gift that he has. It’s like watching 14 seasons of NCIS and knowing what Gibbs is going to do and say when the rest of the crew still seems clueless! While Nick Sax does NOT fail to shock us, surprise us, and leave us wondering if he’s even alive or going to explode from mental instability, he does his job well: he’s a cop. And … he’s a good one (okay – no – he was essentially the proverbial good cop going bad cop, but due to bad guys going REALLY bad, just became the disgruntled / lost cop who fell from his path to a lost, drunkard, who has the shooting skills of John Wick with the emotional stability of PTSD soldier who just came back from Vietnam after the aliens were done abducting and probing him)! Okay, that was a LOT to say … but that’s really the best way I can describe him! Trying to understand Sax, his background, and where he’s headed is complex, fun, and really pushes one to think about their own life, how they would respond, and raises some real questions about right … and wrong (as absolutes).

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The directing in this series is FANTASTIC. If anyone reading this has read any of my other movie reviews – you know that I am massively HARSH on directors and writers. Yet, I have little bad to say about Happy! Okay, sure, it’s stupid. The ideas are childish, insane, and sometimes so contrite that it you barely have time to breath … but, c’mon:

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There’s no way to make 8 feet tall teletubby demons worshiped by cockroach people and not have to be a little “childish”.

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If this is not disturbing … well …
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This show has LOTS more to offer …!

Of course, the production quality, music, and cinematic sequencing of this show is great. Again, I could find plenty wrong – but there’s just no way to watch Happy! and not feel, well, you know –

DISTURBED!

But, in a good way! (and, no, in case you’re wondering, I never thought I would have a moment in my lifetime where I could actually refer to disturbing in a “good” way …!)

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Look … if you like soft, fluffy imaginary friends, ex-detectives getting redemption, and Christmas having a happy ending after all …

Then this show is NOT FOR YOU!

But, if you want a break from the mundane, normal, and idiotic cr*p on television, that can also move you, thrill you, disgust you, inspire you, chase you away, and then bring you right back again – then I highly recommend:

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Okay … okay – enough of that. Give it 20 minutes … you’ll know if you like it. (And, even if you tell yourself you don’t … it’s okay … we both know the truth!). You just have to be a little … cynical … dark … disastrous … and like to laugh. See? Perfect!

Oh yeah, as for a rating, an 8.5 out of 10. Great story line, good directing, excellent music, and fast-paced action that keeps me looking past the mistakes and at the constant barrage of insanity … is worth at least that much! (No other good reason … just ask the blue unicorn!).


“You’re smiling like someone who doesn’t know what smiles are for.” – Happy! (Patton Oswalt); Oh man … that sums up at least half the people I’ve met in my lifetime (and is now added to my list of all-time GREAT quotes from T.V. and movies)!!

Hollywood Strikes Again – and the LGBTQ Community is the Unwitting Target (Imagine Dragons and the LDS Church)

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In an article posted by KATU News (here), Imagine Dragons singer Dan Reynolds conducted what seemed to be a very noble and supporting move for the LGBTQ community and the LDS church: ending teen suicide. What wasn’t written about was the massive ignorance and trauma originally caused by Hollywood (music artists, actors, etc.), and society as a whole; which then heralded Reynolds as a hero when in fact, he may have unwittingly hurt more LGBTQ kids.

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Breaking Through the Binary

First off, let me clarify that I “HATE” the term LGBTQ. It is another nonsensical label used by a massively, puritan-based, condemning society that seeks to segregate people. However, for the sake of this article, the term shall be used in conjunction with the reference to those folks who have physical and emotional gender contradictions. I am not saying that anyone who has contradictory sexual feelings in their emotional state and physical state is right … or wrong (that is not part of this discussion).

That said, Reynolds’ actions were akin to outright accusing the LDS church for teenagers in Utah committing suicide because they didn’t feel like they “belonged” (IMHO). Now – to you [the reader], let’s be clear, I am one of the most outspoken people in the world, contradicting science and psychology, stating that the need to “belong” (or “fit in”) is one of the MOST important, fundamental human needs (my article is here). However, there is a distinct difference between fundamentally needing to be loved and accepted vs. artificially. Please allow me to ‘splain:

The teenagers in Utah are NOT committing suicide because the LDS church does not condone or accept their beliefs. No – that is the RED HERRING! Please note how important this is! The truth lies in the underlying principal whereby society [at large] has created a new, emotional movement of needing to “feel special“, by first labeling people (such as “LGBTQ”), and then systematically segregating them in a massive, media-hysteria driven outrage. In this scenario, children whose emotional and physical sexual feelings that do not precisely coincide to fit what that VERY SAME society [at large] has defined as acceptable and not acceptable, now require others to go out of their way to acknowledge them, or they feel rejected.

Put it this way: you can have red hair, black hair, brown hair … or hey … no hair. It’s no big deal, right (aside from commercials telling you how ugly and imperfect you are)? But, if the ENTIRETY of society were to suddenly define “normal” as NOT having blonde hair … then all those “blondies” would suddenly become weirdos. Worse, if that same society started a movement to reinforce that “blondies” needed additional acceptance and mass-spread recognition, or they would continue to be hated, then those “blondies” would become emotional wrecks at the mere thought that any one of the millions of people around them didn’t go out of their way to love them.

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Sound stupid? IT SHOULD. If you don’t grasp that the idea of segregating blonde haired individuals and labeling them to create a genre of hatred is outrageous – then try being a blonde female, or a bald guy, or anyone of a group of people that are constantly segregated by Hollywood.

Now, herein lies the “real” problem. It is NOT LGBTQ to have a male body part, and cry at sad movies, love musicals, or even have a little bit of attraction to other men. After all, sons love, hug, and kiss their fathers (and vice versa). What happens in the shockingly still “puritanistic” American culture of absolutes is that society continues to apply these extremes to the definition of “normal“. And, this is reinforced by none other than Hollywood (beauty, fashion, behavior, etc.). Starting in the 50’s, gay, lesbian, and straight actors and actresses all partook in a sort of social experiment whereby “men were men“, working to take care of the family and “women were women” raising children and living in the kitchen. This was a follow-up to the originally puritan ideals that were not Catholic or Christian, but rather, a protestant side-track of “black-Bible thumpers” who were so overly anal and out of control that fathers did NOT hug their children, men were to fear NOTHING, and women should never speak unless spoken to!

Thank the Heavens those days are dead (okay … mostly … except for radical Muslims and other state-side and international weirdos). It was NEVER Christian for women to sit in silence. If NOTHING else proves that – go READ THE BIBLE. Mary Magdalene, who was forced into a life of prostitution by dirty, rotten old men, was saved by the SON OF GOD, so that she may help carry forward the message of love and equality. Of course, there is a huge segregation in church between the roles of men and women, but for the sake of this article – let us set that aside.

Back to Reynolds. What has he done? From the same, damnable Hollywood platform that labeled LGBTQ as “wrong” or “weird”, and set forward the movement that everyone else has to accept their lifestyle or be shamed and shunned (a double-edged sword of mass manipulation), he is trying to force the LDS community to show their love of LGBTQ individuals. Why? Children are dying. Therefore, if the church does not secede their opinion, they are therefore child haters and killers. WTF? That, in and of itself, is another labeled, stereotyping prejudice!

This is wrong on so many fronts that the level of idiocy is beyond astounding. First of all, a church that promotes family, safety, faith, and world-wide fights for the well-being of children should not be the target of a Hollywood ignoramus attack lest the innocent, suffer. In this regards, Reynolds is actually a HATER of children with the ability (whether it is intentional or not), to harm millions upon millions of children internationally with no care as to the accountability of his behavior. Simultaneously, Reynolds is feeding the labeled, segregation, love-needing frenzy of LGBTQ children who are not being given the proper tools to become successful and happy. By this, I mean that children – no matter their sexual identity (which, is and of itself not a matter for the general public and abhorred that Reynolds is using this), should learn to stand on their own, two feet. Whether it’s a volatile society of never-ending “fad” shifts, mean people, or just life in general – everyone must learn to stand against the storm and learn that they only thing they can control in life is themselves and their own choices.

Empowerment is a tool of infinitely immeasurable value. Dis-empowering anyone to reinforce their “segregated” feelings, or create those feelings where they don’t exist, is not only dangerous, but should be viewed as criminal. Did every teen in Utah who was LGBTQ care what the church thought about them? There’s a possibility – no matter how remote – that NOT ONE of them actually cared about that … at least, until now. Until now, the LDS church’s stance on the LGBTQ community was internalized with one, succinct and recurring message: “do not judge“, “do not hate“, “and love people for who they are without any thought of changing or controlling them“.

THAT IS THE MESSAGE. I personally know, first hand. Now, that message is being corrupted by a self-indulgent bast*rd whose only goal is his own popularity, selling albums, and manipulating the LGBTQ community to become thoroughly dependent on him so that they keep buying his records. That is what is REALLY happening. Sorry to all those who think we need to “respect” Reynolds as a hero … but a hero … he is not. In this case, he has focused on the most obvious, superficial and media-heated debate he can, using his position as a member of the Church, to try and bolster his position.

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After all – why not ALL Christians? Why not society? Why not help the children to stand on their own? See … that would create independence. That would create freedom and education whereby the kids could actually think for themselves. After all, psychology will tell you that suicide and suicidal thoughts are a complex matter of underlying issues that must be sequentially and carefully addressed. Feel-good concerts only serve those children who are already strong enough to weather the storm. The ones who are really hurting, still remain silent, hiding in the shadows, and don’t come forward. That’s the unfortunate, difficult, and terrifying truth of suicide. Something that a “pop star”, caught up in his own “glorification”, may not care enough to learn. Again – sorry to seem so “attacking”, but suicide is not a joke, it’s not a “cause” for rock stars, and is not something that should be used as a tool.

So, let’s not shortcut the importance of ending teen suicide. Children who are involved with the LDS Church are more often than not kept in a safe place, with good messages, and overwhelming love. It is NOT sexual. It is not intimate. It is just a mere love of brothers and sisters. At least – that is what it is supposed to be. Reynolds’ personal agenda is one of hatred, manipulation, and control (again, IMHO). Yes, I get it that telling children that being “gay” or “lesbian” is not in accordance with the idea of families. BUT IT IS NOT A MISSTATEMENT. Sorry all you warm-fuzzy people out there – but the truth hurts sometimes. Two women don’t make a baby. Two men don’t make a baby.

It doesn’t mean that they are “wrong” (and this should never be taught – which if it is – should be brought to the attention of the LDS church leadership for disciplinary reasons and to help those who were given the wrong message – as it would be very few and far between). What being solely gay or lesbian does means that they are not going to have a family “with children”. That’s not Biblical – it’s part of nature! But, I’m not going to engage (at least not in this article) in the he-said / she-said of what the LDS church may teach. I’m just pointing out that using the Church as a red-herring is “misdirection”, which is a deviant, thinking error!!

And, if a boy likes to wear pink and play with dolls, the ONLY one who is calling him gay is SOCIETY and the stereotypes cast through puritan ignorance and Hollywood. If a girl feels an attraction toward another girl (or a boy to a boy), after or during purity – here’s a newsflash, folks:

THAT IS NORMAL. Did you know that? (Read it here). It is PART OF SELF IDENTITY. And those folks who strike this down – or worse, “label” it as LGBTQ (and force it into a segregated identity) – are the most bottom-feeding cesspool of moronic anti-evolutionary @$$holes to walk the face of this planet. Even grown men are curious from time to time. It’s ONLY in America (mostly), where it is a “sin” in SOCIETY for men or women to “fear” their curiosity. In fact, for those who did not know this – it is NORMAL to NOT be attracted to EITHER gender, too! Yes – it is true. You can actually not feel like being pressured into sex with anyone and you are actually normal. Why? Because “normal“, is “human“. And, “human” is an infinitely diverse condition that is always changing and evolving. Again, I just HATE this LGBTQ segregation garbage. But, it’s important to recognize just how dangerous it is for the emotional and mental well-being of young people who need to have freedom to explore self-identity. Yet, it’s as equally important to recognize that stereotyping “normal”, or attacking a church to justify a segregated “normal”, can hurt grown men and women who need to know that curiosity is just one of those things that comes with “free will” and is for each person to deal with ON THEIR OWN – NOT in the public spotlight.

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See the problem … “normal” as a definition? Who decides this? What IS normal? Having questions. Being honest with yourself. Not crossing gender lines because an extremist society says go all the way or not at all. It’s actually OKAY to ask questions and not self persecute!! SHEESH! In this example, it’s almost easy to believe that the entire American culture is built on shame.

What isn’t normal:

Dan Reynolds of Imagine Dragons. What a horrible person he has become. Now, these poor kids who suffer from nothing more than “normal” curiosity, who have a chance to get away from the cr@p that Hollywood and society dish out and discover their own feelings (whatever they may be), will forever be trapped in their segregated mode of “not normal”. The LDS Church’s position on families is its own. It has no reason to change it, nor should it. It is not the job of the LDS church to fix the whole of humanity. Altering a belief to suddenly become “accepting” of the segregated, labeled teen with a predisposed societal (and puritan) assault on their emotions WILL NOT HELP THEM. Even thinking that, is stupid.

What will help them? The Church continuing to stand strong in its faith, unshaken and unwavering. No – it doesn’t fit the new, societal paradigm of segregated LGBTQ individuals who need “special attention“. What it does is to reinforce the idea that it is okay to be unique, it is okay to be an individual, and it is okay to hold to your beliefs, no matter what they are. THAT is the message these teens should have been given. Their sexual preference belongs TO THEM. The ONLY personal or sexual inquiries by the Church will be limited to one’s own efforts to stay and pure. THAT has NOTHING to do with gender. And, if this message were carried with the resounding power that the otherwise manipulative Imagine Dragons’ singer has, teens who felt like self-harm, alteration, or segregation, might have found their way toward a resolution (through healthy, emotional self-identification separate from societal pressures). Maybe the boys are still attracted to boys and the girls to girls – or maybe not. But, to have a family, with children, had Reynolds actually possessed the testicular fortitude to be a decent human being, those kids could be shown that tolerance starts by tearing down labels and families “with children” can be had by people who feel emotionally different than their physical body.

I know – I’ve been personal friends with family men who were attracted to men, but committed themselves to having a family. And, they made GREAT fathers. They were loving, compassionate, and believed that it was okay for fathers to hug and kiss their children goodnight and children to have mixed feelings as part of their normal growth. It didn’t make them “weird” or “different” and there was nothing “sexual” brought into that context. When we stop labeling, shaming, and trying to manipulate others to fit an unhealthy societal paradigm, it opens the door to real, personal growth.

Sorry to go on about this, but it is infuriating to see child abuse on such a massive scale and the rest of the world too damned ignorant to put a stop to it. And, what Reynolds has done is potentially a form of child abuse (manipulation of mental stability by misdirection and unconscious segregation reinforcement – IMHO). I don’t know how you all feel – but I hope that whatever it is – no one judges you, segregates you, labels you, or makes you feel so inadequate that you don’t know how to get through the day without being a victim. Because, that, sucks. I don’t know what you believe (personally or spiritually), but whatever it is, I hope that those parts of your belief that may differ from others doesn’t become an obstacle. And, if the road sign ahead has mixed messages, keep your faith, keep your identity as part of your self, and through experience, trial and error, time and patience, you’ll find the right path … not a stupid concert that promotes a band’s sales.

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I don’t believe everything my faith says – but I also don’t take that as a point of segregation or need to pronounce my differences that I am working through, personally. I can still teach it, listen to it, and learn it. Maybe one day I will believe it. Maybe, I won’t (based on my own, personal relationship with the Lord). Either way – whatever you believe – it is your PERSONAL freedom and right. If you know a teen who feels suicidal, call the suicide prevention hotline, shut Hollywood and those narcissistic hellions down, and educate the parents to stop following 200+ year old puritan ideas.

SHEESH!

Thanks for reading.


I think prejudice is one of the most stupid things on Earth because there are so many perfectly good reasons to dislike people on an individual basis.” – J.J. Wall